


Starry Night

by SymmetryLocked



Series: Fluffy Angst Prompts [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluffy Angst, Gen, I'm Sorry, Lots of Angst, Some Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, marcus-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4584996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymmetryLocked/pseuds/SymmetryLocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The stars were always there, always watching, through the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.<br/>Based on the prompt, "Five times Marcus looked at the stars and one time he didn't".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Starry Night

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I've never done one of these 5 + 1 things before, so bear with me. Number 4 is pure fluff, nothing but fluff, and was inspired by a tumblr post (my personal favorite). There's a LOT of angst and I'm sorry. Based on the prompt, "5 times marcus looked at the stars and 1 time he didn't".

Marcus Kane didn’t always enjoy looking at the stars. When he had grown up, on the Ark, there were so many of them. They were _everywhere_ , crowding him, he absolutely hated it. 

Two women were eventually the reason he managed to change his view of them. The first was his mother.

“Look, Marcus!” she would always say, pointing out constellations and planets among the other lights. 

“Not now.” He would always reply, “I’m busy.” Although he never even tried to make time for her. _It’s just silly_ , he thought. 

The second was Abby Griffin. Over the course of his life, mostly because of her, he found they were not as ‘silly’ as he had once believed. The stars had been with him through thick and thin, through the good moments and the bad. 

In fact, looking back on it now, there were five meaningful moments that he could remember in which the stars had played a part, given him a place to think, to stare. And of course, there was the one time all he wanted was a view of the sky—and that was the one thing he could no longer have. 

* * *

_One_

The first time that Kane unwillingly found himself stargazing was the day after the Culling. Immediately after he had found out that the Earth was survivable, he felt the crushing weight of guilt set in— _you let all those people die in vain, they died for no reason at all_ , his thoughts told him. So he had walked over to the window that gave them the view of the endless space that surrounded them; he stood perfectly upright, hands clasped behind his back, staring vacantly into the darkness, letting his mind go blank. _I killed them_ , he thought. I _killed 300 people and not a single one of them was supposed to die_. It was a strange feeling, really. He thought he had been doing the right thing—when he actually had been doing anything but. He looked at all the stars and imagined they were the people that he had killed, they were staring at him, mocking him.

Two people had visited him that day, during that time. The first was his mother, Vera Kane. But she had not known the crushing guilt on his mind, she had not yet learned the news about the Earth. 

“Have you finally realized how beautiful they are, Marcus?” She had asked him, smiling, hoping he had come to his senses. But he could not yet think in the same way as her, every star he saw was simply another body that had been thrown away. So, until his mother gave up and left, he said absolutely nothing. 

Abby Griffin found it unusual that Marcus Kane would be taking time off from his duty to stargaze—but at least she knew why. 

“Kane,” she said. He turned towards her. “It’s not your fault.” He nodded, the weight of his heavy feelings held his voice down and would not let him speak. 

She rested her hand lightly on his arm, for support. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” 

He nodded again, still voiceless, and simply turned his head back towards the void. 

* * *

_Two_

The second time was on Unity Day, when the blast had ruined everything for him. After the unexpected explosion had taken his mother’s life, he had found that her prior words to him were echoing constantly around in his mind. “Look at all the constellations, Marcus.” “Aren’t the stars just lovely tonight?” “Look, a shooting star!” He had blown her off constantly, and the least he could do was take a minute to view them.

So, once he had the time, he unwillingly found himself stargazing once again. He really tried to see the stars the way his mother had, but he simply could not. To him, they only represented death; there was absolutely nothing positive about them. He imagined his mother joining the rest of the fallen as one of the blinking lights out there in the darkness and—no. He couldn’t take this. So he walked away from the window, without looking back. He had work to do, and he was simply wasting his time.

* * *

_Three_

The third time had occurred when they had crashed landed upon the new planet which they would soon call their home—Earth. There was something so different about the stars their first night there. Abby was the one who had tried to point this out to him. 

Unfortunate nightmares left him unable to sleep that first night, for every time he looked up, he still only saw the lifeless bodies of the innocent people he had killed. Haunted by their faces, his choices, things he had said and done— _you killed them, you killed them_. 

And yet, Abby had found him moping out there in the woods and given him a different perspective to consider. 

“It’s just incredible. Even the stars look different from down here, better than before. It makes you feel… smaller, somehow. Like, we aren’t the center of the universe after all, but this world is something better than we could’ve dreamed.”

Kane stopped to consider how she was seeing them, but it was hard for him. “Yes, it certainly is a sight to behold.”  He told her, very unconvincingly. 

“You know Marcus,” she added, once she heard the doubt in his tone—he turned to look at her. “We can restart down here. Everything is different now. You don’t have to be the same man you were before, up on the Ark.”

He pondered this for a moment. “I suppose you’re right.” He said quietly, gazing at the stars above and wondering if he could change, if Earth would be a better fit for him.

After a quiet conversation involving their life choice and their differing moral philosophies, Kane unwillingly found himself thinking that maybe he could indeed view the stars differently down here, perhaps in more ways than one. 

* * *

_Four_

The fourth moment was all thanks to Jasper’s idea. The boy had practically knocked him over, he was so overflowing with enthusiasm. “Oh hey, there you are.” The lanky teen said, slapping a very confused Kane on the shoulder. 

“…What is this about?” He asked, wondering when Jasper had ever stopped to talk to him.

“So, uh, the camp’s having a party tonight and everyone’s invited. Even you.” He added quickly. 

“A party?” Kane crossed his arms and glanced down at Jasper disapprovingly. “Our time should be spent guarding our camp, making peace with the Grounder tribes—what on Earth could you be celebrating right now?” 

“Well, I mean, Clarke’s back, which is cool, “ Jasper said, referring to the recent return of the young Griffin girl—after nearly six months went by without a word from her, she returned miraculously unharmed in the middle of the night sometime last week. “We haven’t had any conflict with anybody in awhile,” he added. “And to be honest, everyone could kind of use a break.”  

Marcus looked around, noticing the grim expressions on people’s faces, the weariness in the way they carried themselves, and thought maybe the boy was right. Yet, Jasper could tell he was not fully convinced. 

“Look, I’m not _asking you_ if we can have a party, I’m _inviting you_ to the party. And trust me, I think you of all people need to take a break. So, see you later then?” Before Kane could reply, the boy walked away without another word, thinking to himself, _he’ll thank me later_. Although Jasper definitely wasn’t friends with Kane, the boy thought _everyone_ could use a little party time to relax, even the adults—so he had invited them against his better judgement. 

Later that evening, Kane somehow unwillingly found himself in the midst of the celebration. Someone had found some a speaker inside Mount Weather and was blasting party music, and teens were dancing everywhere. Marcus made his way over to the refreshment table, hoping to escape the madness. The drinks looked harmless, and he was about to take a sip, but quickly noticed that everyone who was holding one seemed to be acting a little bit…strange. 

Kane set his untouched drink back down on the table just in time to see Monty Green pouring the rest of his bottle of moonshine into the drinks. 

“Monty!” Kane admonished. The boy looked at him, eyes wide—he didn’t think anyone would catch him. 

“I was-I was just…” Monty stammered, looking guiltily at his now empty moonshine bottle. “I just wanted everyone to loosen up a bit, have some fun…” More than little bit intimidated by Kane’s facial expression, the boy decided the best course of action was to simply run away.

Marcus sighed, but did not chase after him—it wasn’t worth it, the damage had already been done. 

He was startled out of his thoughts by a loud announcement from Jasper, who turned off the music, much to the crowd’s dismay. “All right everybody, listen up!” He yelled, his speech slightly slurred. “It’s time for…a slow dance!” The crowd cheered, and Marcus rolled his eyes. 

Jasper put the music back on, with a much slower, more romantic song started playing and people started coupling up around him. 

Kane looked around, he stayed off to the side—he was _not_ going to dance. There was simply no way. He watched people get together, some of them with the help of a very literal push from Jasper or Monty. To his left, Bellamy had his armed wrapped around Clarke, pulling her as close to him as he could, as if he was afraid he would lose her again if he wasn’t careful, and she rested her head gently on his shoulder. To his right, it appeared that Raven and Wick had begun slow dancing, but it had very quickly evolved into something more like a make-out session. 

Kane was so intent on people watching that he didn’t even notice Jasper sneak up behind him and push him into the clearing—he landed right in the midst of the dancers, and opposite him, Monty shoved Abby right beside him, then quickly ran away again before Kane could reprimand him for earlier. A very drunk Jasper whispered to Kane, his speech so garbled it was hard to make out the words, “You need to chill, dude. You’re always so freakin’ uptight. Like you gotta be mister high-and-mighty-justice-man _all the damn time_. Come on, live a little. _Dance_ _with your woman_.” Before Kane could protest, he slapped him on the back and then took off to join Monty in playing matchmaker on another unsuspecting person. 

Kane found himself staring at Abby, and felt his face warm a little because she was standing incredibly close. Jasper’s choice of words didn’t exactly help. There was practically less than an inch of space between them, and it was very noticeable.

“Hello Marcus,” she said grinning widely, looking at him expectantly. 

He looked at her in surprise, “Abby, I’m not going to dance.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you are, now put your arm around me.” she demanded, still smiling mischievously. He looked her in the eye, dubious, something wasn’t quite right with the way she was acting. She had grown happier after her daughter had returned of course, but she was never quite _this_ happy.

“Abby, have you had anything to drink tonight?” He asked carefully.

She tilted her head a bit, thinking. “Only two or three of those drinks from the refreshment table.” She thought a bit more. “…Maybe four. It could’ve been four.” 

 _Oh my god_ , Kane thought. _She’s drunk_. Abby Griffin was drunk as hell and wanted to _slow dance_ with him. 

“But enough talk,” she said. “Marcus, put your arm around me. That’s an order.” Kane laughed. It appeared the only way to deal with a drunk Abby Griffin was to go along with whatever she said.

“Whatever you say, _Chancellor_.” He whispered to her, placing his hand lightly on her back. She smiled sweetly up at him, taking his other hand in hers. 

They danced slowly and Kane found himself enjoying it more than he would’ve thought. Time seemed to go in slow motion, and he felt himself grow calm and something else that he hadn’t really felt in awhile—happy. It was just strange after being so stressed about everything for so long; this nice relaxing feeling was a wonderful refreshment. He found himself tuning in to the newest song that had begun playing in the background. 

_If I fell in love with you—Would you promise to be true—And help me understand_

Abby hadn’t said much—he figured that the excessive amounts of alcohol were probably making her drowsy. Or perhaps she felt just as content as he did. After awhile, Abby rested her head on his shoulder, and he felt his face reddening—but he wasn’t complaining about it, not at all.

_‘Cause I've been in love before—And I found that love was more—Than just holding hands_

“Look at the stars, Marcus.” She finally said, “Don’t they look lovely tonight?” 

He obliged and glanced up at the night sky. “Beautiful.” He replied. And it _was_ beautiful. But if he was referring to the stars or the woman in front of him, he couldn’t be sure. He pulled her slightly closer to him, his gaze still fixated upwards. It was so strange, how these stars which had used to bring him clouds of darkness were now so pretty and light— _just like her golden hair and her smile_.

From that moment onwards, he found that every time he looked at the stars, he couldn’t help but think of Abby. 

* * *

_Five_

The fifth time occurred on a night like any other. Well, it would’ve been a night like any other, but Marcus had a plan to change that. After the party a few weeks ago, Kane found he enjoyed gazing at the night sky so much that he volunteered to run the night shift, guarding the camp. It was simple—every night, during the late hours when the others were asleep, he walked around, securing the camp and finding the time to drink in the sky hanging over them. He enjoyed the time alone—with his thoughts and the view accompanying him, he almost never found himself bored or tired. 

He often went exploring out the the woods nearby, a safe distance away from the camp, and had located a particularly nice spot—one that he wanted to share. Well, not share with everyone, but share with one person in particular perhaps. He already thought about her every time he was there, it would be easier for him if she was there to see it too. It was on this particular night that he had finally convinced her to join him on his night shift.

“Marcus, where are we going? It’s very late and just because _you_ never sleep doesn’t mean _I_ don’t need sleep.” She complained, but Kane simply waved to her to follow him into the woods, and she went after him anyway, despite her better judgement. 

They walked for a few minutes—not too long, but Abby was ready to voice her complaints once more, until Marcus stopped walking abruptly and Abby nearly slammed right into him because of the sudden change of pace. 

“This is it,” he announced. Abby looked around and inhaled sharply—she really could not believe the beauty of it all. In the midst of the woods they had come a cross a small clearing, with the trees leaving an exposed circular patch of land that appeared to be bathed in silver because of the moonlight. Looking up, she found there was a clear view of the bright night sky along with the miles of stars surrounding it, accompanied by the full moon overhead. They had never been able to view anything like this on the Ark. It was simply incredible, it was hard to even find the right words to describe it, for nothing seemed to capture it completely. 

“Well?” He was grinning, waiting for her reaction. “What do you think?” 

“Marcus, it’s amazing.” She said, her voice drenched in awe, “I don’t even know what to say. How did you ever find something like this?” 

“I go exploring sometimes, on the quiet nights.” He said walking closer to her, he stopped when they were about as close they were when dancing on the night of the party. Abby, now completely sober, found that she was the one who felt her face involuntarily warming up. 

“Why are you showing me this?” She asked, looking up at him, their faces incredibly close, yet not uncomfortable in the slightest. 

“Because this spot is so beautiful that,” Kane paused for a moment mentally preparing himself to finish his sentence— _say it, just say it_ , his thoughts whispered— “it always makes me think of you.” 

Abby’s face was so red and her heart was pounding so much that she could not even come up with a reply.  Marcus looked up at the sky quickly, hoping the stars would give him the strength for his next move— _this is it, this is your chance_ —he tilted her head up and lightly kissed her.

Abby was so shocked she didn’t know what do at first, but she found herself enjoying it. She was about to kiss him back but before she could, he pulled away, she felt a strange sense of disappointment wash over her.

“I’m sorry.” He said, looking away.

“Don’t be.” Was her surprised reply. 

But now Kane felt his nerves getting the best of him and he began to stammer an endless stream of thoughts. “I know I shouldn't have, but everything was so beautiful with you and the sky and I got carried away and I—”

She was smiling now. “Oh just _shut up_ ” she said playfully, interrupting him by cupping his face in her hands and cutting off his words with another kiss, which he eagerly returned. And as the kiss grew deeper, he felt his worries melting away in the moonlight. 

* * *

_One_

It was his fault. None of this would’ve happened if he hadn’t taken Abby out into the woods that night, shown her the sky, begun meeting there with her night after night. He should’ve sent out a warning the moment he first thought he heard the bushes rustle, should’ve gone back to warn them at the first sign of suspicion. 

But he screwed up terribly— _your fault, your fault_ , his mind screamed at him—and now there was a crimson pool at his feet and a limp body by his side. 

He had felt something was off that night, he felt a pair of eyes on him that he could not spot—there was something unnerving going on. He pointed his gun into the woods, waiting to see something, to hear something, anything.  

Then two simultaneous sounds struck his ears—a rustle in the bushes right outside of the camp and a pair of footsteps running up to him from back at camp. He spun around to see who it was first — _your first mistake_ , his brain told him—and he saw Abby walking up towards him, wanting to talk to him during his shift, like she usually did. That would’ve been fine, however the bush rustle indicated there was something problematic occurring at the same time, and before he knew it, he heard a gunshot come from the woods—G _unshot? How is that possible? Who was that?_. 

It missed him completely, but hit another target. “Abby, “ he whispered horrified. Quickly, he turned his attention back to the woods and fired off three shots, but he was too slow,— _your second mistake_ —and he heard the mysterious offender run back the way he came, either scared away or running for reinforcements, it didn’t matter right now, there was a much more pressing problem. 

He tossed his gun aside and kneeled down next to her. “Abby…” he quickly assessed the damage. It appeared she had been shot right in the stomach— _blood, there’s so much blood_ —and he had to find a way to stop the bleeding. He ripped off his jacket and pressed it down over the wound, hoping to end the blood flow. He called out for help a few times, but he was too far away from the main part of the camp and most people were asleep— _third mistake_ —so no one came running to help them. 

He was flat-out panicking now, he wasn’t the doctor, he didn’t know what he was doing— _you were on guard duty, it was your job to make sure something like this didn't happen_. He leaned down—she was still breathing but barely. “Marcus…” He heard her voice, weak, calling his name.

“Don’t worry, Abby. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” He said quickly, but he talked too much when he was nervous and absolutely nothing was okay— _so much blood, stop the blood_. He mostly was trying to reassure himself. 

“Marcus,” Abby said again, coughing— _coughing up blood_. “Take care of Clarke for me, okay?” 

“No,” he said shakily, “You are going to be fine, Abby. You are not going to die. You’ll see Clarke again, don’t worry.” He only had started rambling again because _he was afraid._ He had been sent to Earth unsure if they would even survive, faced with grounder attacks, left dying in a cave, but never in his life had he felt more terrified than in this moment.

“Marcus!” she said as sternly as she could manage, he shut up and listened to her this time. “T-too much blood lost…” she trailed off.

“No, you can't die. Abby, _I need you_.” He said, pressing down harder on his jacket, which was now thoroughly soaked with blood— _her blood_ —it was stained red everywhere and yet the bleeding had not stopped. But after a few minutes, Abby, using what remained of her strength, put her hands on top of his and pushed them away from her wound. “You can stop.” She said quietly. 

Reluctantly, he stopped pressing down, and instead brushed her hair out of her face. He found that involuntarily, there was something wet running down his cheeks. 

“Marcus,” She said, her voice hardly more than a whisper, barely audible, she was gazing aimlessly off into space. “Look at the stars. Aren’t they beautiful tonight?” 

But he simply stared at her, trying to keep it together. He couldn’t look up, there was no way. He wanted to look up but he couldn’t, for he was afraid that if he looked away from her for one second she would be gone, and he would lose her forever. He couldn’t look at the stars, so he settled for gazing at the stars in her eyes—that was, until she closed them, and she was gone. 

The stars had darkened to him— _they’re all people who died because of you_ —and of course he couldn’t look at them without thinking of her and she was gone— _your fault, you fucked up, your fault—_ where they were once so beautiful and bright they now once again brought nothing but darkness and pain.

And after that starry night, with tears running openly down his cheeks, he vowed never to look up at the night sky again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so, so sorry. Really, I am. It hurt to write. The song referenced in number 4 is "If I Fell" by The Beatles (I just really like that song so I had to squeeze it in). Yes, I had a reference to one of my other fics (I Did What I Had to Do) in number 3. But it's from Marcus's perspective, so consider it like a bonus scene. :3 Okay guys, I really really appreciate feedback!! Let me know what you thought because I was out of my comfort zone writing parts of this...


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